


the autograph

by merrymegtargaryen



Series: Westeros Academy [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Disgraced Former Pop Star Joffrey Baratheon, Gen, Modern AU, backstreet's back ALL RIGHT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 11:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10696068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/merrymegtargaryen
Summary: Joffrey does some bragging. Arya calls him on his shit.





	the autograph

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all I am BACK at it with the modern AU! I miss this. I miss y'all. Enjoy the return of Disgraced Former Pop Star Joffrey Baratheon.

“Rey is definitely Luke's daughter,” Hot Pie said.

“She is _not_!” Arya said hotly. “She's Han and Leia's daughter!”

“How come she's tied to Luke, then?”

“Everyone's tied to Luke! What about her connection with Han? How about how Han knows who she is?”

“Han knows who she is because she's Luke's daughter,” Hot Pie pointed out. “And her piloting abilities are because Luke is the best pilot in the galaxy, _duh_.”

“I don't know,” Lommy said. “I like the idea of Rey Kenobi.”

Arya and Hot Pie turned half-incredulous, half-mutinous looks on him. Lommy took a fretful step back. “Or not.”

“Are you talking about _Star Wars_?”

Arya groaned. “Go away, Joffrey.”

Joffrey gave them an unpleasant smile. “I was almost in the next one, you know,” he said in a would-be casual voice. “I auditioned for Anakin Skywalker when I was a kid, and Jake Lloyd  _just_ beat me to it. They liked me so much they asked me to audition again, however.”

Arya was not about to take the bait, but Lommy and Hot Pie were stupid enough to ask him, What happened?”

“Oh, it conflicted with my career,” Joffrey said with a sigh. “And I couldn't let down my fans.”

Lommy blinked at him. “You turned down  _Star Wars_ so you could release another single?”

“I released an album!” Joffrey said nastily.

“It was all old songs. And the one single,” Hot Pie pointed out. “You could've done that and _Star Wars_.”

Joffrey actually stamped his foot. “Shut up!”

“So you know George Lucas, then,” Arya said, folding her arms over her chest.

Joffrey's eyes widened. “Well, yeah. Of course.”

“So you could like, introduce us.”

Joffrey's eyes flitted nervously about the room, clearly looking for an escape from this conversation. “What, fly you out to his private ranch?”

“That's true, that's a bit of a stretch,” Arya agreed. “Could you skype him?”

“He's a busy man, Arya,” Joffrey snapped. “He can't just skype stupid little kids whenever they ask!”

“That's fair,” Arya said, nodding sagely. “But maybe he'd have time for an autograph?”

Joffrey hesitated. “I...guess that's a reasonable request.”

“I thought so,” she said in a cheerful voice. “So you could do it for us? Get his autograph?”

“Well, I can't make any promises,” Joffrey huffed.

“Oh, I see. Are you not that close?”

Joffrey seethed. “We are on excellent terms,” he said through gritted teeth. “And I will get his autograph if it kills me.”

“Wow, Joffrey, you're so nice,” Arya said. “Hot Pie, isn't he nice?”

“Yeah,” Hot Pie said. “Really nice.”

“Really nice,” Lommy agreed.

Joffrey looked as if he wished he hadn't been so nice.

.

A few weeks went by, and of course no autograph showed up. Arya wasn't going to just let Joffrey get out of it, either; every time she saw him, she asked him with way too much pep, “So, any word on that autograph, Joff?”

“He's a busy man!” Joffrey howled after the five hundredth time. “He's got more important things going on in his life than signing autographs!”

“Do you think he forgot who you are?” Arya asked him in a conspiratorial voice.

“No!” Joffrey said. “He knows who I am and he likes me very much! He's just busy, okay?”

“If you say so,” Arya sighed. She was fully intending to break him. At the very least, she hoped he would just buy George Lucas's signature off eBay and give it to her. It wasn't like he didn't have the money, even if record sales for his album were abysmally low. 

She was very surprised, then, when Joffrey actually came to her house and presented her with a signed poster. “There it is,” he said, sounding crazed with triumph. “George Lucas's autograph. He sent a note along with it. Want me to read it?” And before Arya could say that yes, she wanted nothing more than to see the note, Joffrey began to read. “'Dear Joffrey, I'm so glad to hear you're doing well and your album is selling. I have it on my iPhone 8 (which hasn't been released yet, but don't tell anyone I told you) and listen to it all the time. I hope your friend likes the poster. Have your people get in touch with my people—there's a part in the next movie I really want you for. Much love, George.'”

“Oh Joffrey,” Arya said, choking on her own laughter. “This is beautiful.”

“Yeah, it's crazy you're such good friends with him,” Hot Pie agreed. “I didn't even know George Lucas was involved in the new movies.”

“Of course he's involved—he's George Lucas,” Joffrey said as if this were quite obvious. “Anyway, there's the poster, so...you can leave me alone now.”

Arya pulled the poster out of its plastic wrap. It appeared to be legitimate. “Wow Joffrey—thanks,” she said. “This is really nice.”

“Yeah, well, I'm a nice person,” Joffrey said. “So...bye.” And with that, he ran out of the house and back to his Porsche.

“I think he actually bought it on eBay,” Arya said, putting it up on the fridge with the help of a few magnets. She, Lommy, and Hot Pie stood back to examine it. 

Sansa walked in at that moment and saw them staring at the poster. “Why did Joffrey sign that  _Star Wars_ poster?” 

They all stared at her. 

“How do you know it's Joffrey's handwriting?” Arya demanded.

Sansa rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, after all the autographs I had to watch him sign, I'd know his signature anywhere. That's Joffrey's handwriting.”

Arya put a hand on her heart. “Oh. Oh my god. That's so. I'm so. Bless his little heart. He signed it himself. I just. I can't believe this.”

“Is everything okay?” Sansa asked.

“Oh god,” said Arya, “everything is fine. It's perfect. God bless. I can die happy.”

She hung the poster up in her room so that she could remember it always.

 


End file.
